The BDSM world is getting a lot more exposure, for better or for worse. Shows on popular cable shows and books like ″50 Shades of Grey″ are making the fetish world more obvious to the mainstream person. This means that words like ″dom″ and ″sub″ are a lot more popular now than they were a few years ago. Almost everyone now knows that ″dom″ is short for dominant and ″sub″ is short for submissive. Everyone seems to have a general idea of what it means to be either one or the other. If you’re interested in trying out being a submissive, there are some nuances that you may have missed.

Submissives Set Boundaries

We didn’t realize this until we were getting into the fetish world ourselves. Submissives aren’t just people who do whatever they are told. They also don’t just take whatever any dominant wants to dish out. In fact, in most BDSM relationships it’s the submissive that makes the general rules of the engagements. They say what they want, how far they are willing to be pushed, and when to stop with the use of a ″safe word″.

Safe words are somewhat ridiculous and easy to understand words that a submissive will use to ″break scene″. When the scene is broken the dominant will stop what they are doing and the two people will talk about what went wrong. In a nutshell, that means that the submissive says when the engagement stops, not the dominant. That’s because the end game of any scene or BDSM engagement is mutual pleasure for both people involved.

There’s a Lot of Trust Involved

Being a dominant is a difficult position because you’re left needing to be able to push your partner to the point where they are enjoying themselves, but not go over into actually harming them. The submissive, therefore, has to trust their dominant 100 percent. This is particularly true when you are using props or other sexual aids. Some spanking objects, like canes, can leave lasting marks and permanent injury if used incorrectly.

A submissive also has to trust the dominant to stop when he says so. This means, of course, that as a submissive, you have to be vocal. If you’re unwilling to say what you want and how you want it, then you’re probably not going to get an enjoyable engagement. Worse than that, you could easily be injured. Even a small woman can do a lot of damage with the right weapon in her hand.

Honesty Is the Best Policy

In the end, if you’re meeting someone for a fling or if it’s a long-term partner, you need to be willing to vocalize what you want. If you have particular fetishes that you want to explore, or if you have certain things that you’re totally unwilling to do, your dominant needs to know what those are. Not all dominants are sadists and not all submissives are masochists, so you can’t expect to paint them all with one brush. Many submissives just like being controlled, not being in pain. However, a dominant isn’t going to know this unless he is told.