How to Reach Out
Before you get started writing your first email to a woman you meet online, be aware that you’re not alone in thinking that sending the first message is difficult. Most men dread that first, awkward message.
Most men are worried that they’ll seem desperate or creepy.
In general, you shouldn’t worry about this. Most women know that you’re going to be nervous about the first message you send, and they’re usually willing to not judge you too harshly.
Don’t focus on her picture.
When you send the first dating service message, focus on something on her profile—BESIDES her looks.
Women like to think that they’re more than just a pretty face. They get constantly bombarded with compliments on their looks by men in person, and they don’t want that online.
The reason so many women LIKE dating services is the fact that they can show a lot about their personalities at first without being judged on their physical appearances. Even if it is her physical appearance that draws you to her, don’t tell her that. She’s going to hear that from dozens, if not hundreds of men, and likely already has.
Her profile will give you something to talk about.
If you focus on just her profile, you’re basically getting a detailed list of all the things she enjoys talking about. You’re being given this gift of information about her—don’t let it go to waste. Make sure you’re taking advantage of it by going through and finding something you have in common.
Once you find something, you can say something about that. Mention that you have it in common, or that you’ve always wanted to know more. If you can’t think of anything you have in common, you should probably send a message to a different girl.
Think of it as a job interview.
What to say to women when you first message them online can be a tricky topic. You don’t want to come off as too aggressive, but you don’t want to be too timid, either.
While it’s difficult to strike a proper balance, you need to make sure that you’re walking that tightrope. There’s a very simple formula to follow with your first date email, and it goes like this:
“Hi, [womans’ name].
I was very interested to see that you’re involved with [something from her profile]. That’s why I contacted you, because I [state your involvement or interest in the same topic].
[Insert between 100-500 words about yourself]
Hope to hear from you soon,
[your name]”
It’s really that simple. You don’t have to go all out. You can use a little joke if you want, but you don’t have to feel obligated to make her laugh. You’re not a comedian, and she won’t expect you to be.
Give a woman a few days to respond.
Don’t forget that most women don’t check their dating site emails every day. Don’t be the bloke that demands constant attention from women on dating services.
Women on dating sites are flooded with emails.
Give her about a week to respond to you. That’s enough time for any woman that’s actively seeking to meet someone online to get online and find that they have a new message.
If she responds before a week is up, that’s great. If she doesn’t, you can feel free to go ahead and send her a follow-up message, gently asking if she’s gotten the message or not.
If she still doesn’t respond after that message, you’re never going to hear from her. You don’t want to be a sore loser. Accept that this woman wasn’t the one for you, and move on. There are lots of other women out there, and it’s really their loss.
