Submissives, as most of us know, are usually on the receiving end of ″punishment″ from a dominant. However, the relationship between a dominant and a submissive is much more complex than that. There are a lot of ″lifestyle″ dominant/submissive people out there, who are in character 24/7. However, most people only slip into dominant/submissive roles while in bed or during sexual scenes. In almost all dominant/submissive interactions, there are a set of pre-defined rules that both partners have agreed to. These rules are in place to ensure that both the dominant and the submissive enjoy the encounter.

Boundaries Are Important

It’s extremely important to set clear, defined boundaries before any sexual engagement takes place. That means that you, as a submissive, need to be very clear with what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. There is a big misconception in the non-kink world that all submissive like pain. That’s untrue.

If you just want to be controlled during a sexual encounter, that’s also submissive. Not all submissives like pain. In fact, one can argue that most of them don’t. That’s why it’s very important for you to say what you’re okay with and what you are not. For example, if you don’t mind being hit with someone’s palm, but you are not okay with being paddled.

It’s important that you say what you have done, what you’re the most comfortable doing, what you’d like to try, and lastly what you will not do. As a submissive it’s important for you to make all of these things perfectly clear so your dominant will be able to give you the experience that you want to have. Sometimes, dominants will push you, but it’s understood that you agreed to some of it and you can stop it the moment that you choose to with a safe word.

Different Kinds of Submissives

There’s more than one kind of submissive out there. Some of them enjoy large amounts of pain and are considered sadists. Some only like light physical ″punishment″, for lack of a better term. Others, by contrast, just wish to be controlled either by restraints of verbal commands. Most people are a mix of both dominant and submissive traits, though there are a lot of people who settle entirely in one box or another.

It’s normal to ask to be pushed a bit by your dominant. Don’t feel like you are stuck only playing one role simply because that’s what you asked for when you started having encounters with this person. Instead, tell them that this time you want to be pushed a bit out of your comfort zone. However, make sure that they know to respect the safe word when you use it, as you don’t know how well you will take to the pushing. Some things sound great when you’re fantasizing in the shower and just don’t play out well in person.